Big surprise
I suppose nothing has changed. People don’t really change- at least I don’t. I’m not any better at this now than I ever was before. (Here’s the part where I make excuses) I mean, I really am online basically two days a week – both of which I am at Church planning worship, barely having enough time to do that. I need to spend time writing drafts before hand, and then just throwing them up when I get online. We’ll see.
I’ve started journaling pretty regularly. Julie pulled out stacks of her old journals and it was thought-provoking to hear her read excerpts from those. I have maybe one journal, with perhaps ten entries in it from college. And the only thing I learned from reading my journal is that I wasn’t nearly the “nice-guy” I like to remember myself being. In fact, I’ve pretty well revised my own personal history to include most of the marks of a saint, and it’s a wonder that people could stand in the presence of my holiness. And then, when I’m honest with myself, I realize just how deceived I am; It’s no small wonder the Lord in His blazing righteousness didn’t wipe me off the face of the earth for my unceasing arrogance, unchecked hormones, and unabashed disregard for His precepts.
I’m like the prodigal who broke back into his Father’s house, and when everyone awoke the next morning pretended he’d been there all along, scoffing, spitting and swearing at those who entered through the front door on their hands and knees with tears in their eyes and broken hearts. My Father must look at me in incredulity and disbelief, wondering if I think I’m fooling Him. Fortunately my Father is omniscient and omnipresent, and when I thought I had fooled Him and snuck in, He had actually called me, arranged my travel, and left the window open that I crawled through. And he gently reminds me of my state, all the way assuring me of His grace, and even using my frail body to promote His own glory.
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